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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608633">Tainted</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala'>KCMarsala</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, F/M, Post-TLJ, Tros fix-it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:43:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26608633</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little something that has been kicking around in my head for a (long!) while...</p><p>Kylo and Rey go on a date!!!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo - Relationship, Kylo Ren &amp; Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey jerked awake with a cry. She blinked hard, the dream clinging to her consciousness and disorienting her. Briefly, she tried to retrieve it, to hold it close and comprehend what the Force was trying to tell her, but, as usual, it was gone. It only made it all the more frustrating that she’d known she would miss it before she’d even tried to catch it.</p><p>“Rey…”</p><p>She blinked again and Finn’s anxious countenance at last swam into focus. She felt the pathetic quality of her weak smile that only managed to upturn one side of her mouth, so she reached out to grip his forearm and give him a reassuring squeeze.</p><p>“I’m alright.”</p><p>“I thought you weren’t having nightmares anymore.”</p><p>Grimly, she grit her teeth when an unwanted image of a dark-haired man flashed behind her eyes. They weren’t nightmares, really, the ones where she woke screaming and crying, unable to breathe and unwilling to speak. At least, not the way Finn thought of nightmares, but she’d never told anyone the content of those dreams. They were a private torment, and she had held firmly to that belief even when her loyal friends had tried so desperately to get her to open up about them. Fortunately, time had been all the remedy she’d needed, and the heart-wrenching dreams that had nearly drained her of the will to live had eventually subsided.</p><p>But, no, this wasn’t that. Even as she reassured Finn of that fact, she could hear the echo of her own voice, raised in a shout that had awaken both her and Finn. Her cry had been one of dismay but not despair, of frustration rather than grief. And, whereas she knew precisely the cause of her distress where the other dreams were concerned, the anxiety that afflicted her now was a complete mystery.</p><p>“No, this is something else,” she tried to explain, puzzling through her confusion along with her words. “The Force is trying to tell me something.”</p><p>“The Force?”</p><p>Rey looked up at Finn, his eyes wide and curious. She couldn’t help but smile, knowing the awe he still held for the things she could do and perceive. After all these years, she would have thought he’d be used to it, but he clearly wasn’t. Every time she did or said something that reminded him of her Force sensitivity, it was like she was floating those boulders on Crait for the first time all over again.</p><p>“Well, I mean…” he stammered, clearly aware she was stifling her amusement at his awestruck tone. “Don’t you just…know?”</p><p>Rey twisted her lips in frustration and replied sourly, “Usually.”</p><p>Before Finn could interject his questions and well-meaning suggestions, Rey shook her head firmly and bounded to her feet.</p><p>“Well, I’m up, you’re up, we should get going.”</p><p>Rey followed Finn’s gaze as he turned toward the narrow stripe of pink hugging the horizon and peeking between the distant formations. He sighed heavily and Rey knew he didn’t want to concede to her suggestion, but neither did he have any good reason to reject the idea.</p><p>As they struck their camp in companionable silence, Rey pondered her dream. Finn was right, of course, and she usually did just know things, felt them at an instinctual level that she had learned to trust and rely upon over the years. But this dream was a complete blank and that bothered her. If the Force had something to tell her, why was it being so cagey? It was completely unprecedented with regard to what she’d come to expect from the Force, and she didn’t like the novelty of it at all.</p><p>Gradually, the concerns and matters of the day drove the night’s mysteries from Rey’s mind. For her part, that primarily meant discovering the rare but determined flora and fauna that clung to life in the arid landscape, but for Finn it meant complaining about the relentless heat.</p><p>“This really doesn’t bother you?” Finn asked for at least the fourth time, causing Rey yet again to stifle her wish that he hadn’t insisted on coming along.</p><p>“I’m used to it,” she answered for the fourth time before adding a new counterpoint. “It’s the cold of space that bothers me.”</p><p>“Really?” he said, genuinely surprised. “I never noticed it was cold.”</p><p>Rey nodded, entirely unsurprised by his revelation. Leading by example, she then focused her attention to setting their evening camp and the idle chatter subsided. Unfortunately, though, they were traveling light so there was little to do before Finn launched into his second favorite topic of conversation.</p><p>“How long before you think we’ll get back to base?”</p><p>As predictable as his question was, it offered Rey good practice. Lifting her face toward the encroaching evening shadows, she cast out her senses, seeking concentrated pockets of sentient life. On such a sparsely populated planet, it was a relatively easy task. What was more challenging was distinguishing between the lifeforms she sensed. Some were obvious, such as the sarlacc nest a little more than a day’s trek south, surrounded by the agonized bodies in the process of being digested. Others, though, were more obscure.</p><p>“There’s a cluster about half a day northwest,” she reported.</p><p>“Human?”</p><p>“Some,” she answered, her brow wrinkling in concentration, “but not much.”</p><p>“So, not our base,” Finn sighed heavily. “Are we headed in the wrong direction?”</p><p>Rey popped one eye open to peer at him in irritation. “We’ve been heading east all day.”</p><p>“Oh,” he muttered sheepishly.</p><p>She closed her eyes again, grateful for Finn’s silence as she fell to concentrating again. It didn’t take long, but finally she found the buzz of industrious minds that she suspected heralded their base. A high concentration of humans was the first clue, but there was also the near-uniformity of purpose she sensed in those hundreds of minds. It was very different from the few cities like Mos Espa that dotted the surface of the planet, where the concentration of humans was considerably reduced and consistency of intent almost nonexistent.</p><p>“I got it,” she reported with a grin. “Half a day if we push it. But definitely before dark tomorrow.”</p><p>Finn sighed heavily and Rey knew he was relieved to hear that.</p><p>“Are you sure it’s not Sandpeople again?”</p><p>She shot him a sour look. On a previous trip, when she’d first attempted this kind of long-distance sensing through the Force, she had mistaken a Tusken village for their base due to the common purpose by which that race lived. She had nearly led Finn, Poe, and a small contingent of scouts straight into the village before it had finally occurred to her that the group she was sensing was comprised of nearly all the same species, but not human. Although a catastrophe had been averted, Finn had nevertheless been particularly shaken by the experience.</p><p>“That only happened once,” she muttered, tearing a chunk of dried meat off with her teeth and wondering yet again why he was here.</p><p>“Well, you know,” he hedged. “I’m just helping to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”</p><p>Rey eyed him in annoyance and tossed him his dinner, absently noting how little light the sky had left to offer them.</p><p>“There are no cold-blooded creatures nearby who might decide to share your body heat with you, either.”</p><p>“What?” Finn hissed in obvious alarm. “They do that?”</p><p>Rey smiled small enough that he couldn’t see in the fading light, but nodded big enough that he could. Suitably reminded of all the unpleasantness that she did successfully protect him from while they journeyed through the desert wilderness, Finn’s attitude improved. They conversed softly in the growing darkness about various topics, places they’d seen and things they’d done, and Rey remembered why she’d agreed to have Finn along. It was during these moments, in the dark vastness of the desert, that she was reminded most uncomfortably of her years on Jakku. Knowing Finn was there with her, feeling his presence and hearing his voice helped to combat the memory of stifling loneliness she’d lived with for so long. Even when his voice faded in exhaustion and his breathing steadied in sleep, his presence continued to comfort her and she smiled to herself, marveling at how far she had come.</p><p>Once she was confident of his slumber, Rey settled into a light trance, focusing on the life around her once again. She had been completely honest when she’d assured Finn that no creatures would come seeking his heat tonight, but she had held in reserve for herself something else she’d noticed. Now, seeking it once again, she found its presence in the Force even stronger than it had been before sunset and she smiled. Rising to her feet, she set out toward it, following the path the Force set for her.</p><p>As she walked, each step shifting the loose sand beneath her feet, she wondered if there would be enough light to see by. She didn’t strictly require it, of course. Between the sparks of life she could sense and the shapes and landscapes immediately surrounding her, she could navigate quite ably without any light at all. Even the curiosity she sought would be appreciable entirely through the Force, but, still, she would like to be able to see it. By the time she reached it, though, the darkness had become deep enough that the stars managed at last to shine through the heated haze of the atmosphere, bathing the shifting dunes in an ethereal light that was, in itself, quite remarkable. It was nothing, however, to what she saw once she reached her objective.</p><p>On Jakku, there was a flower called Nightblossom, a rare source of beauty in an otherwise harsh environment. They had been quite valuable, mostly as curiosities for offworlders, and Rey had made something of a name for herself through her uncanny ability to find them. She understood now that it had in fact been an early manifestation of her Force sensitivity that had led her to them. At the time, though, she had only thought of it as dumb luck…not to mention a means of petty revenge since she’d never sold a single one to Unkar Plutt. Tattooine, though, had no such curiosity…until she found it.</p><p>Smiling tenderly, Rey knelt carefully at the side of the plant glowing gently in the pale light of the stars. Of some pale color she couldn’t conclusively identify in the dim light, the delicate flower seemed to shimmer with its own silvery light. Its tough stem emerged from the shifting sands and merged into the outer edges of the petals that, when closed, protected the blossom’s hidden beauty from its harsh grit. Carefully avoiding the delicate inner surface of the petals, Rey touched the flower’s tough skin and sensed its long, deep roots as well as its lifecycle. There, in the dark coolness far below, the plant took shelter during the hot days, conserving the moisture it had managed to collect on its last surfacing. Now, open to the cool night air, it gaped wide to catch the subtle breezes that transformed into moisture on its petals’ surfaces, the trace amounts of water on which it would live for as long as a month before it surfaced again.</p><p>Peering closely at the exquisite wonder of this example of determined desert life, Rey observe the tiny fibers that extended from the surface of the petals, each one reaching for the air that would give it life. Gently, she breathed onto the flower and watched in fascination as it actually trembled and stretched upward, reaching for the sustenance she offered. As she watched, beads of moisture formed visibly among those fibers, and Rey smiled happily at the thought she had just afforded this delicate flower the ability to remain hidden at least four times as long as it usually did.</p><p>She knew this flower must be incredibly valuable, especially since common knowledge dictated that nothing of the sort existed on Tattooine. In fact, it was Jakku’s one claim to fame: the only desert planet to harbor such beauty as the Nightblossom. Despite the promise of wealth and even notoriety in discovering this plant, however, Rey never even considered plucking what she had found. The greater satisfaction for her was simply knowing it was there, that she could find it and appreciate its beauty again, even if no one else ever could.</p><p>Rising along side the flower, she looked down at it one last time before turning her focus back toward Finn, who yet slept blissfully and securely. As she made her way back to her friend, she thought about how the flower’s rough, desiccated exterior hid and protected a heart of exquisite beauty and delicacy, and she spontaneously dubbed it a Tender Heart flower. As she settled down to sleep at Finn’s side, she wondered if anyone in the galaxy would ever discover the hidden beauty of that flower or, if they did, could they possibly appreciate it as much as she. With a vague sense of probably not on both counts, Rey slipped into sleep. Before she knew it, though, her body piked into an upright position, instantly awake as she gasped breathlessly.</p><p>“It’s coming!”</p><p>Beside her, Finn jerked awake with a snort, his eyes squinting in the first light of the first sun. “What?”</p><p>“Something’s coming!” she hissed frantically, her hands trembling with barely-constrained excitement. “I don’t know what it is, but it’s important. Finn… This could solve everything!”</p><p>“What?” he repeated, more annoyance than alarm in his voice now.</p><p>Ignoring him, Rey scrambled to her pack, not even bothering to gain her feet and instead just clambering across their campsite in an awkward configuration of limbs. Her foot slipped in the sand and her knee wrenched painfully as she fell, but she instantly erected a shield so no discomfort could register within her mind, desperate to keep her consciousness focused on the dream before it fled entirely. Plunging into her pack, she shoved gear aside impatiently until she found the datacube buried at the bottom. She ignited the power and dropped the cube, a projection of their surroundings springing to life before them.</p><p>“There!” she cried after a quick survey, her rigid finger jabbing into the hovering web of green lines that undulated and flowed to represent the contours of the nearby canyon in the outermost region of the Jundland Wastes.</p><p>Compliant but surely no less confused, Finn peered closely at the spot she indicated on the map, marked by a distinctive flat-topped formation that rose from the valley floor.</p><p>“That’s Bezaad’s Rock,” Finn confirmed as one fist knuckled his eye.</p><p>Rey nodded, peering north toward the distant, rocky ridge silhouetted against the second rising sun. “We have to go there. Now.”</p><p>“Now?!” Finn objected even as Rey slapped the datacube off and threw it back in her pack. “Rey, it’s completely out of our way. And we were going to get home today!”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” she muttered distractedly, hastily stowing her bedroll. “We have to be there. It’s too important.”</p><p>“What’s too important?” he cried in frustration, and it was only then that Rey stopped moving.</p><p>She turned and looked at him, her face blank as her arms dropped to hang limply at her sides. With both desperation and futility rising in equal measure, Rey tried to retrieve the elusive dream once more, but it was gone. She didn’t know why she needed to reach Bezaad’s Rock today, but she knew beyond any doubt that it was imperative she do so. Equally certain Finn wouldn’t like her answer, she responded with a weary sigh that both expressed her frustration and resigned her to his annoyance.</p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>Predictably, Finn threw up his hands. “Fantastic!”</p><p>“Look, Finn,” she interjected quickly, not entirely successful in withholding the frustration from her own voice. “I know this is obnoxious and that you were looking forward to getting home, but I have to do this. I don’t know why or what difference this can possibly make, but I can’t ignore it. You know that!”</p><p>He shot her a sour look that meant he knew she was right even though he didn’t like it. He’d been there enough times to witness the consequences when she ignored the Force’s attempts to communicate with her. Even more, she suspected the novelty of this method of communication was surely an indication it should not be ignored. Combined with the absolute conviction she felt now…there was simply no denying the importance of this dream, whatever it was.</p><p>“You can go on home, if you want,” she suggested abruptly. “I’ll be fine on my own.”</p><p>His lips twisted and his eyes narrowed in a wry expression, but he offered no other response. Indeed, none was needed as he stooped to pack up his share of the camp then gestured for her to lead their way north.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Sooo… What’s next?”</p><p>Rey’s lips tightened as she threw a sidelong glance at Finn. At least he had the grace to look sheepish as he tucked into his rations without further comment. For her part, Rey just turned back to gaze silently upon the horizon again.</p><p>She couldn’t really blame him. After all, he wasn’t voicing anything that hadn’t been circulating in her head for hours. By virtue of having left so promptly — not to mention Rey’s impatient pace — they had reached Bezaad’s Rock well before high noon. She’d felt so exhilarated as they’d climbed the massive formation’s nearly vertical sides, but that had slowly ebbed as no further inspiration struck. With a slow, careful sigh so as not to betray her own frustration, Rey wondered if she’d been wrong.</p><p>“No,” she said instantly, the sheer conviction of her certainty astounding her. “No, I’m not wrong. It’s still coming.”</p><p>Finn wasn’t quite as diligent in stifling his sigh, his breath puffing out in an exaggerated huff.</p><p>“Any idea yet what’s coming, as we sit out here baking in the suns?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, knowing before he’d even asked that she still had no insights on that particular question. But in the next instant, she was rising to her feet, an entirely different certainty having just struck. With fingers rendered clumsy in her haste, Rey unfastened her utility belt and dropped it to the dusty ground where she stood.</p><p>“I have to go,” she explained before Finn could ask.</p><p>Instantly, almost eagerly, Finn shot to his feet, shouldering his pack.</p><p>“No,” she corrected him, a hand resting on his shoulder to lessen the sting of her words. “I have to go alone.”</p><p>His jaw dropped and she could feel in his emotions as clearly as she saw on his face how much he really, truly, genuinely disliked this particular declaration.</p><p>“Go where?”</p><p>Nodding toward the horizon where she’d been staring for at least the last hour, she simply said, “There.”</p><p>“Why—?”</p><p>“Because I have to run,” she interrupted, sensing her time was short. “A lot. You won’t be able to keep up and I can’t miss this.”</p><p>In her experience, men didn’t like being reminded that there were things the Force enabled her to do that they simply couldn’t. Finn was generally better about it than Poe, but he still didn’t like to acknowledge his limitations. Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to pander to his masculine sensitivities at the moment and she hoped he’d be able to recognize that soon enough and forgive her for it. But, right now, she had to endure his pained pout as she hastily leaned forward to plant a kiss high on his cheek.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Finn, but I really have to run.”</p><p>“Literally,” he scoffed in bitterness.</p><p>Rey smiled indulgently. “I should be back before dark.”</p><p>“Yeah? Think so?”</p><p>She thought about it anew and didn’t like the answer she got. Seeing her hesitation, Finn twisted his lips wryly again, then slapped her on her shoulder.</p><p>“You better get going.”</p><p>And he was right.</p><p>So she did.</p><p>The run was exhilarating. With the direct sunlight and stagnant air, she knew within minutes this would have been an excruciating ordeal for Finn. For her, though, the Force sustained her. When the constant pumping of her legs caused her muscles to ache, she soothed them. When the deep draw of breath into and out of her body dried her throat, she moistened it. When the heat in her skin soared both from within and without, she cooled it. And so it was after two solid hours of running, Bezaad’s Rock having long dissolved into the distance behind her, that Rey at last felt the instinct to stop.</p><p>She found herself in the middle of a wide valley, rocky formations ringing her position at vast distances. There was no vegetation, no life, only sunlight and dust, the only sound the deep, even flow of her breath….until another intruded.</p><p>She felt the deep vibration before actually hearing it. Off to her right, hidden in the distance beyond the veil of shimmering air that danced and waved in the heat, it was coming. It was there. Her heart, already at a firm tempo from her run, now pounded for a new reason as she recognized the distinctive screech of a TIE fighter.</p><p>The First Order? Here? In the middle of nowhere Tattooine? She couldn’t comprehend it, but the Force was telling her with zero ambiguity that, yes, this is what she’d been searching for. Still, she wasn’t about to face whatever was racing toward her without a weapon, so she reached across her body to grip her lightsaber, its energetic hum imparting its usual sense of reassurance and well-being as she thumbed it to life. Then, deliberately, she turned her back to the screeching spacecraft she could now see as a dark spot in the distance, zooming directly toward her, just skimming the canyon’s flat surface.</p><p>Rey ran. Her thighs pumped out a punishing pace as she ran faster than she ever had before, her speed persuading a breeze from the stubbornly still air around her. She spared a moment to reflect upon the exhilaration and wonder of witnessing what the Force made her capable of, but only for an instant before focusing her consciousness on the fighter coming up fast behind her. Sensing she hadn’t quite reached the necessary velocity, she put on a fresh burst of impossible speed in the last few yards. And…Now! With a mighty shove, she pushed off the canyon floor, her body flipping up into the air, buoyed by the Force as the TIE fighter continued to roar its way beneath her. The moment that in reality came and went within the impossible space of nanoseconds slowed to a crawl within her consciousness, allowing her to process observations and coordinate the spatial coincidence of the spacecraft and her body just right. And it was then that she noticed two things that threatened to entirely derail her focus, which, considering she was presently poised mid-air over a craft designed for spaceflight, could really and truly be bad for her.</p><p>First, this wasn’t an ordinary TIE fighter. It was larger, faster, deadlier, and just overall more vicious. She didn’t know what that meant but it didn’t seem good.</p><p>Second, she knew the pilot. And that definitely wasn’t good.</p><p>Despite the distractions, Rey managed to manipulate her body’s fall just right, increasing then pulling back on her velocity an instant before her feet reached the upper hull of the ship, allowing her to land safely. Her lightsaber at the ready, she was prepared to drive it through the durasteel plating when she suddenly sensed such drastic steps were entirely superfluous and the ship was already slowing precipitously. Confused and wary, Rey stood erect, using her Force energy to maintain her balance as the ship came to a quick halt. Try though she might in those brief moments, however, she could not quite manage to ease the pounding of her heart, forcing her to recognize it was not physical exertion that had her feeling the way she did.</p><p>She just had never truly believed she’d ever see him again.</p><p>Anxious and entirely uncertain what to expect, she gripped her lightsaber all the tighter as the hatch unsealed and she caught her first glimpse in years of Kylo Ren. To her astonishment, though, rather than attack her or — if she were being honest, she didn’t want to even imagine what else she might have expected him to do — he merely shouted, “Get down and don’t move!”</p><p>With a shocking flood of sensation that she could only guess to be the result of him shoving information at her through the Force, she knew his words posed no threat but, fascinatingly enough, a warning. And, there, hidden within the urgency that clouded everything she was sensing, she felt an anxious plea. It was that, the utter alien presence of worry emanating from Kylo Ren, that convinced her to obey.</p><p>Dropping quickly, Rey knelt upon the hot metal surface of Ren’s ship and watched curiously as he stood across the hatch from her, his focus not upon her at all but upon the Force. She felt the immense draw of energy, his gaze and hands directing the flow of power from above to below. And it was only then, as the Force settled over her shoulders like a comforting blanket that she understood.</p><p>Mindful of his warning to remain still, Rey cast her awareness above rather than her eyes, and it didn’t take long for her to find what she’d known she would: three TIE fighters, screaming high above in the middle atmosphere, searching. Slowly, carefully, so as not to pull his focus, she angled her face upward until she could observe him. He was entirely focused on his task of cloaking the ship, rendering it invisible to both corporeal gaze and electronic scans. A ship this size, it wasn’t a particularly troublesome task but, as with anything else, it did take focus. She didn’t know what was going on here, but she was willing to trust him a moment longer considering he was currently protecting her from discovery by the First Order.</p><p>Although they were different than those last she’d seen on him, his clothes were his characteristic black from head to toe. What surprised her, though, was the absence of any helmet. His hair was shorter than she remembered, and his face was…careworn. As she frowned with the thought, she looked again and realized, yes, as surprising as it was, careworn really was the proper way to describe the marred, tense quality of his countenance. His eyes were open though focused on something neither here nor there, but when Rey found herself idly wondering if they were every bit as dark as she remembered, they glanced toward her momentarily, a mere flash of recognition informing her they were indeed every bit as deep…and sorrowful.</p><p>Despite her better judgment, Rey found she was intrigued and curious. The limited contact she’d had with this man in the past had proved inordinately trying. Even now, the pain she’d thought long resolved in her heart where he was concerned piped up, as though just gently informing her that, yes, it was still there. She should kill him, she knew, strike him down now while he was still distracted by…protecting her. Shame and guilt assailed her as she realized she had, however briefly, contemplated the murder of a man who was presently engaged in safeguarding the secret of her presence. She still didn’t entirely understand just how she knew that was his objective but, just like she’d insisted to Finn, she’d learned not to question the instincts she received through the Force. And, like it or not, she’d always received a lot of instincts where he was concerned.</p><p>She just fervently hoped they didn’t lead her to heartache again.</p><p>Finally, after what seemed an eternity, she felt the comforting layer of Force energy gently lift from her body. When she looked up, she found Ren’s hands had dropped and his shoulders had drooped. Recognizing the same sort of fatigue in him that she always felt in the wake of a sustained effort, she rose slowly in silence, allowing him a moment to compose himself. Sooner than she would have expected, he was ready to face her.</p><p>“Hello, Rey.”</p><p>She blinked, startled. Upon second thought, she didn’t know what she had expected his first words to be, but an entirely innocuous hello had certainly not been it. Flustered and annoyed by her discomfiture, Rey grit her teeth against the instinct to return the courtesy.</p><p>“You’re what I’m looking for?”</p><p>His head turned and his gaze intensified in such a way that Rey felt her face flush in embarrassment. As her heart thudded inside her chest, she recalled that his damnable stare had always managed to fluster her far too easily.</p><p>“I mean…I’ve been sensing in the Force that something important was coming. You’re it?”</p><p>Amazingly, his mouth twitched as though in amusement, but it was an agonizingly long time before he deigned to answer.</p><p>“If you’re asking if I’m here looking for you…no.”</p><p>To her surprise and displeasure, Rey found her first reaction to that news was one of disappointment. But as he held her gaze unwaveringly she realized what he wasn’t saying.</p><p>“But…” she ventured slowly, “there are no coincidences in the Force.”</p><p>He nodded, once, very slowly, his eyes fixed upon her, his gaze dark and intent but also…curious. And then she had it. He was as surprised to see her as she was him.</p><p>“Did you feel the need to be here right now?” she asked.</p><p>He shook his head and Rey wondered if their entire conversation was going to consist of such infuriatingly silent answers when he suddenly ventured an inquiry of his own.</p><p>“Is that how it happened for you?”</p><p>Warily, she nodded, hoping she wasn’t giving away some strategic advantage. But he only mirrored her nod and continued to watch her intently. Force, she’d forgotten how intense his stare could be!</p><p>“Well, what are you doing here, then?” she asked abruptly, irritation edging her voice. “And what’s with the…” She waved her hand in a vague gesture, her gaze lifting to the clear sky above that was conspicuously devoid of searching TIE fighters.</p><p>“That’s…not something I’m prepared to discuss.”</p><p>She scowled at him. She supposed she should be pleased he’d bothered to respond at all, rather than just assuming his preferred stony silence, but she wasn’t feeling that magnanimous.</p><p>“So, what do we do now, then? Whip out our lightsabers and try to kill each other?”</p><p>His head tilted as he gazed upon her and Rey was reminded of an inquisitive animal. Not threatening, just…curious.</p><p>“Is that what you want to do?”</p><p>Now Rey cocked her own head, considering. She knew that’s what she should do. After all, they were enemies. But…</p><p>“No. Not really.”</p><p>Something passed behind his eyes, though she wasn’t entirely sure what. Amusement? Relief? Whatever it was, it had him quickly bowing his face in order to hide a sudden twitch of his lips that looked suspiciously like a smile. Or maybe it was a smirk. Surely Kylo Ren would never actually smile…</p><p>“They were looking for me.”</p><p>Rey nearly gasped out her surprise at his sudden offer of information. Instead, though, she frowned.</p><p>“Why would your own fighters be looking for you?”</p><p>“Because they don’t know where I am.”</p><p>She scowled at him in annoyance and caught the glint of amusement that shone in his eye. Now she was certain: he was teasing her. Or, at least, deliberately providing obvious answers.</p><p>“And they don’t know where you are because you didn’t tell them,” she intoned, impatiently speeding through the verbal sparring she could already anticipate laid out before them. “So why are you here, oh great Supreme Leader Kylo Ren?”</p><p>Amusement vanished and his gaze darkened instantly. Rey’s anxiety spiked, surprised and confused that she’d gone too far by mocking his vaunted title, but she held her ground, lifting her chin defiantly as she awaited an answer she was certain would never come. And, indeed, when he finally spoke, her expectation was fulfilled.</p><p>“You have a base here?”</p><p>She pursed her lips and dropped her head to one side, casting him a scathing look. He really expected her to tell him that?</p><p>“Of course, you do,” he answered himself impatiently. “You should warn everyone to stay out of sight for the next several days. There will be increased First Order patrols all over the planet for the time being.”</p><p>Rey’s mind was filled with so many questions, she didn’t quite know where to begin. She stammered over her words for a moment, thoroughly flustered, before managing to spit out the question she could only assume perplexed her most.</p><p>“Why are you telling me this?”</p><p>“I’m not here for you,” he answered promptly, his gaze slipping beyond her toward the dusty horizon. “Any of you. I have other things on my mind and I don’t need the distraction of a battle. We had no idea you were here and I won’t disclose that you are. Stay hidden, just as you’ve clearly already done so well already, and we’ll leave without incident in a few days’ time. Then you can move on to wherever you want to go next.”</p><p>Rey’s frown deepened and she tried to regain his gaze, but he seemed to be avoiding her now. She knew the futility of asking questions, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.</p><p>“Why are you here, Kylo?”</p><p>His shoulders shuddered at her words and he bristled in agitation. “Perhaps the same reason you are.”</p><p>That, she doubted. Unless he was so exhausted from trying to teach a bunch of rebels with minimal access to the Force the ways of the Jedi that she barely knew herself and had finally demanded an extended break to explore the surrounding region on foot simply to have some time where she didn’t have to try and project an image of assurance and confidence that she didn’t feel. No, there were so many details of that scenario that would never align with Kylo Ren, but her imagination failed her when she tried to picture why he would be avoiding detection by his own fighters. She supposed it was possible his only intent had been to shield her — although she supposed that defied explanation as well — but then she recalled how low he’d been flying to the canyon floor, the only reason for which was to avoid detection from above.</p><p>His usual dark moodiness was in full force now, and Rey knew she should simply accept his offer of anonymity and go about her business, but some instinct was nagging at her and she couldn’t just walk away. Why the hell had it always been so difficult for her to just walk away from this man?</p><p>Sighing, she tried a different tack. “Do you know about your m—?”</p><p>“I do not wish to discuss that particular matter.”</p><p>His harsh tone, tense posture, and formal phrasing startled Rey and she hesitated. But she knew she couldn’t just let it lie.</p><p>“But you know she passed?”</p><p>With an impressive inhale of breath, he turned his face resolutely away from her, lifting his countenance into the light of the lowering suns. He closed his eyes and Rey saw a muscle bunch and jump in his jaw as he grit his teeth, the knot in his throat bobbing as he swallowed convulsively. And it was only then she realized…</p><p>He’s suffering.</p><p>Moved to a greater degree than was strictly wise, Rey’s body jerked as she instinctively reached for him but promptly pulled herself back. Awkward and self-conscious, she felt the weight of his gaze as it dropped heavily upon her and the lash of his words as he spat them out.</p><p>“Yes, I know my mother is dead. Did you really think I wouldn’t feel that?”</p><p>“No. But… I only meant…”</p><p>Rey sighed heavily, clamping her mouth shut over her stammering words, but he was back to staring resolutely out toward the horizon again. Freed from the strain of his gaze, she studied him, wishing she knew how to comfort him. Only then did it occur to her the true absurdity of wanting to comfort Kylo Ren. Why had she always been filled with such contradictions where he was concerned? With a smaller, shallower sigh, Rey began to wonder how best to take her leave. But then he managed to surprise her again.</p><p>“Were you with her?” he asked, his tone entirely changed now, softer, vulnerable. “When she…?”</p><p>Died. “Yes. I was.”</p><p>He nodded and, although he was still turned steadfastly away, she thought she saw a flood of emotion in his eyes.</p><p>“Did she suffer?”</p><p>Rey swallowed anxiously. “She had been weak for a long time. But when the end came, no, she was at peace.”</p><p>He nodded again and this time the tears locked in his eyes were evident. His mouth opened then clamped shut a few times and a sudden instinct had Rey answering the question she sensed he couldn’t quite bring himself to ask.</p><p>“She spoke of you often,” she offered softly, then pressed ahead when his attention snapped toward her in surprise. “She wished she’d been able to see you once more.”</p><p>“That wasn’t possible,” he stated firmly despite the hoarse quality of his voice.</p><p>“She knew that,” Rey assured him gently. “She didn’t blame you.”</p><p>He turned sharply at that, presenting his back as his shoulders hunched inward. She waited awkwardly while he gathered his composure, her fingers fidgeting to keep from reaching out to him. It was quicker than she expected, but when he faced her again she could see the barriers he’d erected between them…and she regretted it. It was inevitable, she supposed, and probably for the best, but still regrettable.</p><p>“Do you…need a ride?” he asked awkwardly, gesturing vaguely to his left, the very direction from which she’d come.</p><p>Rey glanced up at the suns, gauging their position in the sky. She had enough time to get back to Bezaad’s Rock, but it would sure be easier flying than running. But then she thought of Finn and realized arriving in a modified TIE fighter with the supreme leader of the First Order probably wasn’t the best of choices. After all, with an instinct she neither studied nor questioned, she knew she would be keeping this particular encounter to herself.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>He nodded and turned slightly, a gesture she took to be a dismissal of sorts. She nodded too and bowed her face, focusing her attention on finding her way down from the ship’s hull. Before she could move, though, she felt herself encased in a gentle, soothing energy as he lifted her in the Force and carried her down to the dusty earth. It was an odd experience, being enclosed in his Force essence, somehow nerve-wracking and calming at the same time, a sensation not unlike those strange, intimate links they had shared across the galaxy so long ago.</p><p>Feeling melancholy, Rey watched him closely as he drifted down to the ground along with her. The last time she’d seen him, he had crouched in the abandoned hangar on Crait. She’d been filled then with so many emotions she shouldn’t have, so many desires that were impossible to realize, as well as the conviction that she was making the only viable choice by rejecting him. She felt the anguish of that moment anew, mixed with sorrow that it had turned out to be the last time she’d see him…until now. She hadn’t wanted to believe it had truly been Snoke’s doing, the bond she’d felt with Kylo. But when the Force connections had stopped so soon after the supreme leader’s death, what other conclusion had there been?</p><p>Questions flooded her mind now, not only regarding why he was avoiding his own men, but also of where he’d been, what he’d experienced since that fateful day when he’d saved her life. She’d thought him excised from her heart, but the way it ached for him now, longed to understand and ease the melancholy she spied behind his eyes, clearly she’d been wrong. But she could feel it, the distance between them, yawning wider than the expanse of the galaxy despite the fact they stood side by side, and she doubted she had the right to reach across it. It was all still there, she realized, everything she wanted but could not have, and her heart wept anew.</p><p>Absorbed by her thoughts, Rey nearly missed her opportunity to try and reach across the gulf that separated them. Kylo’s Force energy had withdrawn to surround only him, his feet already rising above the surface of the planet on his way back up to his ship, when she shook herself from her stupor. Later, with the sobering clarity of time and distance, she would tell herself her abrupt realization of his departure — as opposed to any true desire on her part — had wrenched the words from her throat against her better judgment.</p><p>“Will I see you again?”</p><p>Her heart pounding, ears buzzing, and breath suspended as she awaited his response, she saw his feet settle into the dust once more before he turned to regard her with the most profound sense of sadness she’d ever beheld. He watched her intently for a moment, his thoughts inscrutable behind his dark eyes as Rey silently chastised herself for not holding her tongue. Nevertheless, she wanted to know, wanted to believe this wasn’t the last she’d ever see of him. After what seemed an eternity, he spoke, his voice soft, pensive, and not unkind.</p><p>“I think…yes. I suspect the Force is not yet through with us.”</p><p>She nodded, bowing her face downward, recognizing the truth of his words even as they fell from his lips. It was not the response she’d hoped for — indeed, she wasn’t entirely sure what she had hoped for — but it was good enough for now. Nodding again absently, Rey found she now possessed the strength to turn away from him, secure in the sense that somehow, someday, the Force would lead their paths to cross yet again.</p><p>Turning her thoughts toward Finn, anxious to meet her self-imposed sunset deadline, she was already several steps away when he called out unexpectedly.</p><p>“Rey!”</p><p>She spun instantly, her heart skipping a beat as she lifted her head high to regard him. She watched as he hesitated, evidently surprised he’d spoken at all, and she clearly recognized the conflict between what he wanted to say and what he felt he should do, having become all too familiar with that same conflict herself. She waited, silently pleading with him to find the courage to speak, knowing she would find no peace within her whirling imagination should he choose to maintain his silence.</p><p>“It was…” he muttered, his hands tightening into fists before he finally blurt out, “It was good to see you.”</p><p>Rey gazed blankly for a moment, uncertain she’d heard what she thought she had, then the muscles at her cheeks trembled and tightened into a small smile. Yes, she agreed silently, it was good.</p><p>Taking pity upon them both, she didn’t respond other than to raise a hand in silent farewell before turning and embarking on her long run back to Finn.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey selected a table tucked into an out-of-the-way corner and settled there, cradling her frothy drink and savoring the dim coolness of the cantina as she glanced around. It was still only midday, so it wasn’t crowded in the least, only a few patrons here and there, humans definitely in the minority. There was a raised platform across the room where she supposed musicians would play during the establishment’s more rowdy hours, but it was empty now, for which she was grateful. Like the light and the heat, noise was dimmed in here too, and it was precisely what she needed.</p><p>With a heavy sigh, Rey wondered how long she could delay what was beginning to seem inevitable. At this rate, she would return to base having achieved neither her real nor her fabricated objective, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. Taking a long swig of her drink and savoring the warmth as it made its way into her core, she imagined Finn’s expression when he would look at her and say, “So you went out there for nothing?”</p><p>Finn had been adamantly opposed to her outing, not only because it was so soon after they had returned from their previous journey afield, but also because she had not been terribly forthcoming about her reasons for insisting she go alone. Even as she’d stood outside the bunker door, watching it seal him on one side and she on the other, he had fixed her with a grim expression that said he didn’t like it one bit. In all honesty, she couldn’t really blame him, considering only three days earlier she had made a big deal about no one leaving the base for at least a standard solar week. But the longer she had lingered in the base, the harder it had become to maintain her equanimity. After all, hunkering down in concealed safety was not likely to offer an opportunity for the Force to work its magic.</p><p>At last, Rose had come to the rescue, complaining that she was in need of a particular part before she could complete some repairs she had been working on. Rey had been all too eager to volunteer for the retrieval, which had, unfortunately, immediately raised Finn’s suspicions. After all, her sudden enthusiasm had been in stark contrast to the previous days’ prevailing attitude of anxiety and impatience. In the end, Rey had been obligated to play the Force card, insisting that only she could gather the parts Rose needed without inadvertently alerting the First Order to the base’s presence. Finn, of course had quickly acceded to that greater wisdom, but he’d been slower to accept that necessarily meant he couldn’t accompany her. Finally, Rey had had to lay it out for him flat, that she just wanted to be alone…</p><p>…which may very well have been the first time that she had ever willfully and consciously lied to her best friend. The truth was that she didn’t want to be alone at all but, rather, she wanted to let the Force cause her path to collide with Kylo Ren’s. And how in all the galaxy could she possibly explain that to Finn?</p><p>But it had been two days already with nary a hint of either the parts or the supreme leader. She had started out at Mos Eisley, thinking it more likely to yield results on at least the latter of those two objectives, seeing as how their first encounter had taken place much closer to that city, but it had failed to produce either. Though further afield, she’d decided to try Mos Espa today and was already feeling discouraged. Her conscience was getting the better of her and she was feeling as though she would have to return to base today even if it was yet another bust. Even now, peering around her temporary respite from the midday heat as well as her frustrated hopes, Rey couldn’t help but search the dim cantina for a familiar, dark figure. Finding no luck yet again, she closed her eyes and slipped into a shallow meditation, concentrating on lowering her body temperature and easing her rising sense of desperation.</p><p>“It’s a hot one, isn’t it?”</p><p>Rey opened her eyes slowly, controlling her body’s reaction to the startle the unexpected voice had given her. She found a man sitting at an adjacent table, half hidden in the narrow shadows of the dim corner they shared. Other than herself and the bartender, he was the only other human present. He was tall, sandy haired, and immersed in a heavy dark cloak that Rey thought might be part of his problem with the heat.</p><p>Noncommittally, Rey nodded as she sipped her cool drink and wondered how she had missed noticing him when she sat down. She must have been more exhausted and despondent than she’d realized.</p><p>“What brings you to Mos Espa?”</p><p>Stifling a sigh of resignation at being dragged into a conversation she didn’t really want, Rey carefully and deliberately set her drink down and lightly shrugged her shoulders.</p><p>“Curiosity.”</p><p>He smiled, his eyes dancing, and Rey was assailed by the sudden instinct that she knew him. No, not quite. She didn’t know him, but he reminded her of someone familiar…though, who, she couldn’t quite say.</p><p>“A curious answer,” he commented, lifting his drink toward her in salute before indulging in a sip of his own.</p><p>“I’m looking for parts,” she amended with as much patience as she could muster, figuring it was best to remain as unmemorable as possible. “I usually go to Mos Eisley, but I couldn’t find what I was looking for there. I hadn’t been here before, so I thought I’d give it a try.”</p><p>He nodded, the light of amusement having yet to fade from his eyes. “Very reasonable.”</p><p>Vaguely disturbed by the entire encounter and increasingly frustrated that she couldn’t place exactly why he seemed so familiar, Rey tried to extract herself from the unwanted conversation, using her drink to shield her from further comment as her eyes scanned the quiet bar. With a stifled sigh, she tried to convince herself it was time to move along, neither of her objectives hoping to bear any fruit while she just sat there, brooding and pensive. Still, it was hard to feel motivated while saddled with a keen certainty that it was going to be a disappointing day.</p><p>“There’s a junk trader not far from here,” the stranger piped up suddenly after long moments of silence. “He’s something of a scam artist, but no more so than any other dealer on Tattooine. He often carries unusual stock, though, even prides himself on it. If you’re having trouble finding what you’re looking for elsewhere, you might have some luck there.”</p><p>Rey nodded absently, impatiently draining the last of her drink before clambering to her feet.</p><p>“His name is Watto. People have found all sorts of things they needed there.”</p><p>She paused, turning back toward him with a slight frown. It was a curious turn of phrase, one that instinct told her meant more than it appeared to. But what had really caught her attention was the name. She didn’t know why, since she was certain she’d never encountered it before, but the hairs standing erect on her arms and neck informed her she definitely needed to find this Watto.</p><p>“Thank you,” she offered with genuine gratitude. “I will.”</p><p>He smiled, that flash of mirth dancing in his eyes again. Frowning, Rey opened her mouth to inquire after his name, but was distracted by a droid that came pushing past her to wipe down the table she’d just vacated. Scooting herself out of the pushy droid’s way, she quickly looked up to voice her question only to find herself quite alone. The strange man was gone, as was his cup. Furthermore, when she stretched out in the Force, she found his vacated seat cold, certainly far cooler than the one she’d occupied. If she had to guess, she would say no one had sat there for hours. Gritting her teeth in annoyance and frustration, reflecting yet again on the day’s imminent failures, she turned and followed the pushy droid toward the bar.</p><p>“Another?” the bartender asked her, quickly snatching away the cup she’d set there.</p><p>She shook her head absently and turned to indicate the still-empty corner from which she’d just emerged. “Do you know that man I was speaking with? Have you seen him before?”</p><p>The bartender eyed her with annoyance, his gaze darting briefly in the direction she’d indicated before coming to fall upon her once more.</p><p>“Is this a joke?” he spat, clearly unamused. “What you see’s what’s here.”</p><p>Him, two droids, and four patrons not including herself, not one of them a tall human in a dark cloak. Two sat at the far end of the bar, chatting and laughing with their heads held close to one another. One sat near the door, staring catatonic at the wall, and the last was slumped over a table, napping or passed out, she wasn’t sure which. With one last glance into her entirely unoccupied shadowy corner, Rey nodded, fishing an extra credit from her pocket.</p><p>“Thank you for your time,” she said, plunking the currency down on the bar with a resounding snap. “Can you tell me where to find a junk dealer called Watto?”</p><p>As annoyed as he clearly was by her continued presence, he provided her with the requested information as he eagerly snatched up the credit. Soon enough, Rey was back out in the suns and the heat, following the vague directions provided by the bartender and reassuring herself she couldn’t have imagined the exchange with the sandy-haired stranger. What did it mean? Had he truly been there at all?</p><p>Making a mental note to read up on Force projections or any other information she could find in the Jedi texts when she got home, Rey turned her attention to the junk shop she’d found at last. An aged Toydarian whose wings had clearly given out long ago sat in a hoverchair at the far side of the cluttered shop, speaking with a customer. Resigned to wait her turn, Rey contented herself with perusing the various objects on display, quickly recognizing the wide variety of machinery represented. The mysterious man who’d directed her here had indeed been right and she soon found not one but two of the elusive parts Rose needed.</p><p>“No, I never saw him again.”</p><p>Rey turned at the gruff voice of the alien she assumed to be Watto. His blue domed head nodded, waggling his long, pale snout as he bristled irritably at the man standing before him.</p><p>“And before you ask,” he continued, bringing a crooked finger to bear, “I sold his mother the first chance I got and never saw her again either.”</p><p>Rey felt her body tense. She knew the Toydarian was lying, but she didn’t know why or how. Wondering vaguely if the man receiving the information had picked up on the alien’s deception, Rey turned away from the increasingly confrontational conversation, minding her own business, only to turn back again when the hovering creature drew her into the exchange.</p><p>“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have paying customers to attend to.”</p><p>Rey offered a small, apologetic smile as she lifted the parts she held, silently confirming that, yes indeed, she did want to make a purchase. Her gaze flickered toward the man who she could tell was markedly dissatisfied with the interaction she’d inadvertently interrupted, but then she felt her breath catch in her throat.</p><p>It was Kylo Ren, but as she’d never seen him before. Gone were his usual heavy black garments, replaced by an outfit of casual simplicity. He looked like any other random visitor to this dusty planet and Rey couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. She was happy to see him, inordinately pleased to find the Force had indeed seen fit to cross their paths once again. Cautious of making a spectacle of herself, she tried to tamp down on her excitement over the unexpected reunion, but the more she tried, the more she found her smile spreading.</p><p>He was clearly just as surprised as she, his shock even thwarting his usual dark intensity. A smile briefly creased his features but he had more success in suppressing his reaction from his face, though not from his eyes. Despite their dark color, they were bright and animated as she approached him.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure you were still here,” she commented softly, her voice sounding entirely too breathless in her own ears.</p><p>“I didn’t expect to be,” he replied, his tone softer, more relaxed than she was used to.</p><p>Maybe it was the clothing, or the setting, Rey really didn’t know. But, somehow, he struck her as more human than she’d ever perceived him before. He’d always seemed so enormous, both in stature and attitude, intimidating and formidable. But now, here… Here he was simply Han Solo’s son.</p><p>The thought hit her hard and she turned away, rubbing at her nose with a fist and blinking back the tears that burned suddenly behind her eyes. She sensed Kylo take a step toward her, but then the Toydarian’s impatient grunt intervened.</p><p>“Is anybody going to buy anything?” he wailed irritably.</p><p>Anxiously tracking Kylo’s swift withdrawal out of the corner of her eye, Rey held aloft Rose’s parts and nodded to indicate that was all she intended to purchase. When Watto quoted an obscenely high price, she didn’t argue, simply counting out the necessary credits and slapping the payment down on the counter before stuffing the handful of metal and wires into her bag.</p><p>“Pleasure doing business with you,” Watto effused obsequiously. “Come back anytime!”</p><p>Dismissing him entirely from her thoughts, Rey turned eagerly to find Kylo, having lost sight of him as he wandered out of the shop. Hurrying back into the sunlight, she squinted in first one direction then the other before she spotted him loitering alongside an assortment of roasted meats, clearly waiting for her. Afflicted by the irrepressible grin once again, she approached him and was rewarded by a rare sight indeed: Kylo Ren smiling.</p><p>“I’d started to worry I wouldn’t see you.”</p><p>Rey returned his expression, happy not only that he felt that way but that he’d told her. “Well, you did tell me to keep out of sight.”</p><p>“I thought of that,” he agreed, nodding. “I’d hoped you would ignore me.”</p><p>Her grin widened as she shook her head. “You’re impossible to ignore.”</p><p>She could see in his eyes both that he caught her meaning and that it pleased him. In fact, as he lowered his face, she saw the crest of one ear poke through the veil of his hair and it seemed decidedly pinker than usual. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to fling herself into his arms. But she didn’t dare. She was completely at a loss to understand what was happening between them. She’d expected awkward caution, just as they’d both displayed when they’d stood atop his modified TIE fighter, but this was something entirely different. She felt…giddy…and she liked it.</p><p>Unnerved by her revelation and anxiously wondering if she was pushing things in an uncomfortable direction, Rey cleared her throat and tried to rein her thoughts in.</p><p>“Have you found what you were looking for?”</p><p>Rather than promoting an air of formal politeness, though, her inquiry elicited a distinct darkening of his mood and a quick shake of his head.</p><p>“More than I expected and I don’t know what it means. But…Rey…”</p><p>She gasped outright when his hand shot out suddenly to grasp hers. She glanced down, her gaze wide as she witnessed the impossible sight of his meaty hand enveloping hers. She felt the strength of his fingers, the pulse of a desperate conviction through the contact that had her looking up into his eyes again. He stared at her with his usual intensity but there was a note of pleading there too, one she’d seen before and that took her breath away. It suddenly occurred to her to worry what he was going to ask of her. The way she was feeling right now, she was likely to agree to just about anything.</p><p>“Can we ignore all that?” he asked anxiously, his voice low, intent. “Just for today? Can it just be you and me and that’s all? Nothing else?”</p><p>She didn’t know what that meant, exactly. Since she didn’t know why he was on Tattooine to begin with, she couldn’t speak to whether or not she could ignore whatever it was he’d found out. But the idea of being able to block out the galaxy and all its woes, even if just temporarily… Her heart swelled as she realized both how much she liked that idea and how much she liked that it was clearly what he wanted, too.</p><p>At her nod, he smiled, a full expression of happiness that dazzled her to speechlessness. She’d always known he was attractive, but with that brilliant smile directed solely at her… He was beautiful.</p><p>Though somewhat awkward at first — an effect no doubt augmented by Rey’s apparent inability to stop herself from staring at him at odd moments — they both soon found a measure of comfort and ease in one another’s company. They explored the city, locating its few famous sites in quick succession, and pondering all the exotic wares for sale along the way. They discussed the prevalence of luxury items in a market that clearly couldn’t possibly support it and pondered the cause for its development and how they could go about making improvements. They sampled all sorts of local delicacies, marveling that desert folk could make food out of just about anything…and with little to no water, to boot. They noted the hodgepodge of alien species that populated the city, especially near the spaceport, and wondered if such diversity had ebbed or flowed since the overthrow of the Hutt crime syndicate. And, when they reached the outskirts of the city and were confronted by a vast expanse of nothing but sand before them, they debated who was likely to be the faster runner in the constantly shifting landscape.</p><p>“I have the home advantage, Ren. There’s no way you could catch me.”</p><p>“I don’t know about that,” he countered, to which she merely responded by taking off into the lowering suns.</p><p>Rey shrieked when he swore then took to his pursuit, then laughed and squealed as he caught her and spun her around, not even caring that she’d felt his Force energy tugging at her feet to hold her back. As he slowed to a stop and she regained her feet, she smiled up at him and absorbed the glory of him smiling down at her. Awed, she shook her head slightly as he gently released her.</p><p>“I never imagined you could be like this.”</p><p>Belatedly realizing this sobering thought could destroy the mood entirely, she was relieved and intrigued when his gaze turned pensive rather than stormy.</p><p>“It’s been a very long time. Maybe not ever,” he amended suddenly, his head tilting almost comically.</p><p>“Ever?”</p><p>He shook his head, regaining her gaze. “I wasn’t much of one for running and laughing and spinning as a child.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Too much…” He hesitated and, there, Rey saw the darkening she’d expected as he struggled with how much he wanted to reveal. Finally, he sighed, “…darkness.”</p><p>Rey was curious what this could mean but also cognizant of respecting his privacy, so she quickly decided to divert the conversation entirely.</p><p>“Neither was I,” she admitted, “much for playing, I mean. There was always too much work to do. Or not enough food,” she added with a little shrug.</p><p>The usual intensity returned to his gaze then, although there was more than a modicum of curiosity too, which tempered its effect, rendering it considerably less intimidating.</p><p>“Is it hard for you, being back in the desert?” he wondered, evidently deciding that, since the unspoken rule against personal questions had been broken, all was now fair game.</p><p>She glanced around at their monochromatic surroundings, pondering the question with interest since she really hadn’t thought about it.</p><p>“No,” she said with surprise as she realized the answer. “No, because I’m not trapped here. I can leave whenever I want and I don’t have to worry about whether or not I’m going to be able to eat or find shelter.”</p><p>She stretched her face and arms toward the bright heat of the low angled suns, closing her eyes and smiling broadly.</p><p>“In fact, with those worries gone, it’s comforting. If I were on Jakku, I think it would be different, too familiar, you know? But I like the heat and the light. Even the sweat and the smells. It was all I knew for so long and I hated and resented it then, but now it’s a choice.”</p><p>Rey paused before deciding she was satisfied with her answer, then opened her eyes and grinned when Kylo offered her a pensive smile.</p><p>“My turn!” she announced abruptly. “Tell me about your favorite place as a child.”</p><p>The recurring worry that she might inadvertently trigger a dark mood was alleviated instantly this time as she saw a serene expression overtake his countenance.</p><p>“There was a lake on Chandrila where I liked to go when I could,” he began. “My parents always had a lot of demands on my time…lessons or important people to meet or what have you…so I didn’t always have a lot of time to myself, but when I could manage it, I’d escape to that lake. No one ever went there and I could be completely alone. I would swim and pretend I was one of the fish. I would go under water and feel all the life there, the straightforward simplicity of eat or be eaten. It was so peaceful and the sounds and strains of my life didn’t bother me there. I could be quiet or sad or whatever I wanted with no one pressuring me to be something else.”</p><p>Transfixed by the image he’d painted and infected by the serenity of it all, Rey gazed upon him, seeing him in a completely unexpected light. And she was pleased she’d asked the question. She watched as he returned to himself, blinking away from where he’d stared into the distance and offering a small smile that exposed some measure of discomfort with what he’d shared.</p><p>“I’d like to see that lake,” Rey murmured.</p><p>“I’d like to show it to you,” he responded instantly.</p><p>And, in a great irony, it was Rey’s mood that darkened as she pondered the impossibility of such a journey. She might go to Chandrila, but not with him. After the temporary reprieve this extraordinary day represented, it would never happen. Even if he provided coordinates, she knew at once that she would never go there. It would be too melancholy, too sad to stand in a place where he’d found so much peace and not know if he ever had again. And, with this thought, she wondered if she would have been better off not knowing about the lake at all.</p><p>“Rey…”</p><p>She shook her head, responding to the note of regret thick in his voice but waving away his concern.</p><p>“No, it’s alright,” she insisted, visibly and physically shaking the mood from her consciousness. “I knew it had to happen eventually, I just thought…”</p><p>Her voice trailed off, realizing she was heading into dangerous territory again. But he didn’t seem to be inclined to let her off the hook.</p><p>“…thought I would be the one to make it awkward?” he finished for her.</p><p>She looked away, uncomfortable not only with the fact that her blunder had been so obvious, but also with the way he’d chosen to phrase it. Rather than deal with it, though, she resumed their walk back toward Mos Espa, only then realizing how far they had wandered from the outskirts of the city. Though not surprised, she was relieved when Kylo fell into step beside her, grateful she hadn’t driven him away. But neither of them spoke and the silence between them was thick and oppressive.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Rey murmured when she couldn’t stand the silence anymore.</p><p>“Don’t apologize,” he responded, his tone gentle, not at all harsh.</p><p>The only words that came to Rey’s mind were to rationalize why she should apologize, so she remained silent again, which evidently gave him the wrong impression.</p><p>“You don’t have to stay, if you don’t want,” he blurted abruptly. “It’s getting late anyway. And it’s not like you have to fulfill any obligation.”</p><p>She turned to him abruptly, worried he was just using this as a polite excuse.</p><p>“Is that what you want?”</p><p>“No,” he admitted after a brief hesitation.</p><p>“Good,” she responded quickly. “Me neither.”</p><p>Turning back on their path, Rey boldly slipped her hand into his and smiled when he squeezed her fingers, clearly as happy with the contact as she was.</p><p>There were so many volatile topics of conversation between them, and her emotional response to his story about the lake proved that even the innocuous ones could turn dour with little warning. But at the same time, she knew that this day was important, that they were in the midst of creating poignant memories. Even though she recognized the vast likelihood that memories of today would prove deeply melancholy, she didn’t want the day to end. She couldn’t recall the last time she had felt as happy and carefree as she had today, and it broke her heart to think she would never feel this way again. Still, even that grim reality didn’t change her mind. No one else might understand it — she wasn’t even sure she entirely understood it — but today was hers and no one would take it away from her. She would guard the memory of her day with Kylo Ren with selfish diligence, a secret known only to her and one other person in the galaxy. Unless…</p><p>The idea festered in her mind as they made their way past the first structures protruding from the flat expanse of the desert, but they had passed beyond the residential area and into the first commercial district before she could bring herself to put it to words. Though yet plagued by uncertainty and a sinking suspicion that it was beyond her right to make this request, she knew she must.</p><p>“Kylo…?”</p><p>Rather than respond verbally, she felt his hand pulse around hers.</p><p>“I need to ask something of you.”</p><p>He slowed to a halt and turned his gaze upon her, the somber intensity that was so familiar now back in his eyes. It suddenly occurred to her that his thoughts during their silent walk had probably been just as dismal as hers.</p><p>“If I can,” he answered evenly, “I will.”</p><p>Rey nodded, emotion abruptly choking her as she looked down to the ground, working to contain the constriction in her throat and the burning in her eyes. The way he’d answered demonstrated his sincerity, his commitment to not making promises he couldn’t possibly keep. If he’d offered to provide anything she asked, she’d known he was being dishonest. After all, what was to keep her from asking for the First Order’s unconditional surrender? Oddly enough, though, if she could only ask one boon of him on this day of truce, it would be the same.</p><p>“Can this — today…be…just for us?”</p><p>His brow creased slightly and his head angled downward, a silent request for clarification.</p><p>“Don’t tell anyone about today,” she blurted, impatient with herself and her hesitation. “I mean… I’d like to believe the only ones who know about…what we’ve shared today is just you and me. That it’s only…”</p><p>“For us,” he finished.</p><p>Rey nodded, looking up at him with moist eyes. He gazed upon her silently for a moment, thoughts flitting behind his gaze.</p><p>“No one else would understand,” he murmured.</p><p>She shook her head sorrowfully in agreement, thinking of the hostility she would receive from Finn and Poe in particular should she ever reveal she spent a beautiful day on Tattooine with Kylo Ren. Even Rose, whose natural empathy might make her more outwardly sympathetic to Rey’s perspective on the matter, would likely still harbor silent judgments, misgivings that would mar Rey’s own impressions of Rose’s attitude within the Force. No, like he’d said, no one would understand, and their inability to comprehend the magnitude of this experience could only pollute its memory. She already knew today would pose enough sadness for her throughout the remainder of her life; she simply didn’t want ignorant attitudes contributing further to that decay.</p><p>Kylo’s expression lengthened with his own thoughts, and Rey sensed he had come to many of the same conclusions. Slowly, his hand lifted to cradle her cheek in his palm, and Rey couldn’t help but close her eyes at the ache that gesture lanced through her. Pressing her face into the solid warmth of his hand, she met his gaze to receive his response.</p><p>“I promise,” he whispered. “Today will only ever be for us.”</p><p>Rey nodded, her own hand lifting to press his more firmly to her cheek in silent expression of her gratitude. But when he suddenly tensed and Rey sensed his alarm, she was immediately on alert. Her eyes darting all around, it didn’t take long for her to find the source of his concern: two fully armored stormtroopers heading straight toward them.</p><p>“They’re still looking for you?” she hissed softly beneath her breath.</p><p>He nodded, his jaw tight and his expression grim as he hesitated, trying to glance over his shoulder and gauge the troopers’ progress without drawing too much attention to himself. Then, before Rey could formulate any ideas of her own, she stumbled backward as Kylo pressed his body in toward hers. She went willingly, recognizing he was pushing her toward the edge of the street and out of the troopers’ path. She looked up at him, staring into his eyes with the same intensity he thrust into hers. She wholly understood why she should feel anxious about First Order stormtroopers discovering her presence here, but that he was clearly concerned as well filled her with a distinct dread. After his elusiveness during their first conversation on the hull of the modified TIE fighter, she hadn’t bothered to ask him about his purpose on Tattooine, having quickly relegated it to the bin of topics likely to cause conflict between them. But now it seemed inordinately important and she was anxious to know just how much danger she — and he? — was in.</p><p>When her back bumped against a narrow expanse of rough wall between two vendors’ stalls, she peered out over his shoulder, trying to coordinate her sense of sight with that of the Force. But Kylo quickly ducked his head toward her, drawing her focus.</p><p>“No,” he murmured, low and intense. “Look only at me.”</p><p>She did as he instructed, but that only served to heighten her anxiety as she became hyperaware of the length of his body flush against her.</p><p>“Smile a little,” he said, following his own guidance as he slowly placed his hands on either side of her, caging her between his arms. “Pretend you’re happy to be with me.”</p><p>Rey felt her heart skip a beat and her breathing shallow as she continued to stare, transfixed by his gaze. He remained utterly silent and still, the smoldering heat from his eyes incongruously sending a shiver through her body. She swallowed nervously.</p><p>“Isn’t this a bit cliché?” she ventured timidly, resisting the urge to locate the stormtroopers in the late afternoon foot traffic. “You could have shielded us in a Force bubble and no one would be able to see or hear us.”</p><p>“I could have,” he agreed readily, nodding slowly as his gaze drifted down to her lips. “But I like this better.”</p><p>Rey gasped and, with him pressed so close against her, she was certain he could feel the pounding of her heart within her chest. Her fingers twisted and tightened in his clothing as she struggled with her short, frantic breaths. She closed her eyes, her head falling back against the rough wall as she attempted to calm the rioting emotions and sensations within her, silently accepting that the ruse of hiding from the troopers by being utterly and completely absorbed in one another wasn’t entirely a ruse…at least not for her.</p><p>With a strained effort to focus, she sensed the troopers had already passed them by and she opened her eyes. Without even a word between them, Kylo understood the tenor of her thoughts and cautiously turned his head, looking to confirm that the troopers had indeed passed beyond sight.</p><p>Rey closed her eyes again, feeling her pulse throbbing in the heated skin of her face. She knew what was about to happen. He would discover that the threat had indeed passed and he would awkwardly release her from his impromptu prison. He would step away and apologize, begging her to forgive his hasty misjudgment in forcing her into this position. He would put distance between them, probably even relinquishing the hold on her hand that had been so hard won. And the thought broke her heart.</p><p>So, when he turned back to her, murmuring some assurance that it was safe now, and she saw his gaze drop away to her shoulder and the pressure of his body against hers begin to ease, Rey sucked in a fortifying breath before lifting herself onto her toes and pressing her mouth to his. At first, it was exhilarating, but Rey quickly realized it was only her own heart that was pounding and that Kylo had instead become stiff, rigid. She tried to wait him out, to linger in the lopsided kiss until he had adjusted to the shock, but then the moment stretched to uncomfortable dimensions. At last, she pulled back, her face crimson and her gaze lowered in shame.</p><p>“I— I’m sorry,” she stammered awkwardly. “I thought—” Sharp exhale. “Gods, I don’t know what I thought. I shouldn’t have done that.”</p><p>Any hope Rey might have harbored for his contradiction quickly died as he remained rigid and silent. Embarrassment rising to even more astronomical levels, Rey had lurched down to retrieve her bag and make a quick escape when a sudden sense of alarm flooded through the Force. Reacting as one, both their heads lifted to take in their surroundings and, for the first time, she noticed the flurry of activity around them. Pedestrians were hurrying in all directions and shop keepers were hastily sheltering their wares and store fronts. Intimately familiar with the meaning behind such a flurry of activity, Rey resolutely pushed away from the wall and Kylo Ren.</p><p>“Sandstorm,” she explained succinctly before turning away.</p><p>“How far off?” he asked, though she was certain he knew the answer as well as she.</p><p>“Not far, and approaching fast,” she answered, which is why she immediately turned to run…</p><p>…but Kylo caught her by the wrist.</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>“To my ship,” she snapped, annoyed by the obviousness of the answer.</p><p>“It’s on the far side of the city. You won’t reach it in time.”</p><p>She knew that, of course, but there wasn’t another solution for it so there was no point in wasting any further precious time.</p><p>“Come with me.”</p><p>Though phrased as a command, his tone carried the sense of a plea. Of course, considering what had just happened between them, Rey was not excited to go anywhere with Kylo Ren, especially not to whatever hovel he had claimed for himself during his visit to Tattooine.</p><p>“Rey, don’t be ridiculous,” he declared suddenly, derailing her budding refusal. “You know how long these can last.”</p><p>And, yet again, he was right, of course. Unlike for most of the citizens scurrying for shelter, it wasn’t so much a matter of danger for her. She was, after all, a Force user. But sustaining a protective bubble strong enough to withstand the damaging effects typical to a raging sandstorm was tiring, and doing so for the hours a storm could last would surely strain her abilities. With a curt nod, Rey posed no further objection when Kylo reasserted his hold on her wrist and swiftly led her into the city while the winds and sand began to pick up in earnest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the time Kylo directed her up a narrow staircase hugging the side of a dried-mud building, the whipping winds and stinging sands had not only severely impeded their sight but also prompted them both to shroud themselves in a protective layer of Force energy. In that moment, a distant corner of Rey’s mind recognized a peculiar tingling at the points where their energies met, but the greater portion of her brain was engaged in the singular feat of not losing him in the rapidly worsening storm.</p><p>Having clung to his hand as she trailed behind him thus far, Rey was startled at first when she felt his hands pulling her closer toward him then directing her forward. Disoriented and distracted by the powerful surge in the interaction between their Force energies — as well as the pressure of his broad hands at her back and waist — Rey fought him at first, shaking her head and pushing back with a shout when he attempted to nudge her forward. Soon enough, aided by the sensation of a soothing calm and a vague directive of up, she realized he wanted her to climb the stairs. As she mounted the first step, though, she felt Kylo crowding in close behind her, which thoroughly distracted her yet again. Since she truly didn’t mind the proximity in the least, it wasn’t until a sudden gust of wind failed to send her soaring backward that she realized he was simply stabilizing and supporting her in their precarious position on the narrow stairs. As it was, though, his arm across her lower back, his torso at her hip, and the zinging sensations of their Force energies dancing and playing against one another minimized if not completely eliminated her impression of imminent danger.</p><p>After what seemed both an inordinate amount of time and none at all, Rey sensed more than saw Kylo press his thumb to a lockplate, causing the door to his rented room to swing open. Unbidden, Rey hurried inside, retreating to the far side of the small space to both escape the biting wind and give him room to maneuver the door shut, already shuddering in the abrupt absence of his comforting and oddly familiar Force energy.</p><p>Although she suspected it was quite rustic by his standards, Rey noted that the room was likely one of the finest Mos Espa or, indeed, all of Tattooine had to offer. The dried-mud walls were cracked and crumbling in spots, even exposing the framework here and there that provided the mud its structure and shape. A thick hide covered the solitary window, obviously tied down — and quite securely — from the outside since it puffed and billowed in the abusive wind against the roughly oval opening but otherwise stayed in place. But the true luxury of the accommodations lay beyond such rudimentary requirements for shelter, in particular the artificial light sources that bathed the small space in a warm glow and the separate room that surely served as a ‘fresher. Though there would be no running water, she was willing to bet the water that awaited Kylo’s use in that room was both clean and plentiful. That, alone, made for the most luxurious of accommodations on any desert planet.</p><p>The room’s furniture, however nice it might be, made an already-small space feel downright claustrophobic. Dominated almost entirely by a bed of only modest proportions, the precisely square room was also forced to share its floor space with a low chest and a small table, though no further seating. But what truly served to deplete the room of its already beleaguered space was the full height and breadth of Kylo Ren. Beyond his physical form, though, was his intensity, which seemed all the more pronounced in the close and confined quarters. And, of course, what lay unaddressed between them further filled the room with tension.</p><p>“My apologizes for the awkward space,” he murmured softly.</p><p>“Mmm,” Rey hummed in response, feeling the bitterness she knew she shouldn’t allow to rule her emotions rising. “Surely it would have been easier not to insist upon my presence.”</p><p>“Easier, perhaps,” he responded swiftly, a solitary step closing the distance between them with alarming efficiency. “But not preferable.”</p><p>Rey grit her teeth, peering at him closely, then looked sharply away when she noted a hint of anxiety in his gaze. Rubbing her arms against the unnerving cold that afflicted her, Rey shifted her weight anxiously, casting about in her mind for something to ease the awkwardness. Unfortunately, though, all she could think about was that strange sensation as their Force energies played and fed off one another, a sensation whose loss had left her feeling somehow less. It was as though the vibrant energies of their Force signatures each functioned at a frequency that, rather than clashing when they collided, found some sort of harmony in uniting, almost like each one was able to fill the smallest recesses left behind by the other. It was gone now, of course, but Rey was consumed by the urge to touch him and reestablish that vibrant connection.</p><p>And it was in that moment that Rey suddenly recalled having felt that peculiar sensation once before, on a dark and stormy night after a particularly disappointing trip into a cave, when this very man before her had insisted she wasn’t alone. And, just as she recalled that sympathetic vibration, which had gone unnoticed at the time since she was more preoccupied by the vision she’d had at his touch, she remembered another instant in which they had fought red-clad guards back-to-back, their Force energies crackling and sparking all around them as she’d reached back to steady herself and ended up gripping his thigh. She couldn’t rightfully say that the physical sensation produced by the interaction of their Force signatures was truly unique, but neither could she quite convince herself that it wasn’t. Staring at her hands, she realized she longed for his touch, both physical and psychic, and her bitterness at the realization that the desire was entirely one-sided countermanded her better judgment.</p><p>“I refuse to regret kissing you,” she blurted abruptly, to which Kylo promptly shook his head and spoke her name with a warning tone. “No,” she interrupted, refusing to be intimidated into silence. “No, I was going to just let us both ignore what happened but… That resonance between us, Kylo. Between our Force energies. Didn’t you feel it? How can you just ignore that?”</p><p>“Of course, I felt it,” he spat, his mood darkening considerably with her words. “But it doesn’t mean anything.”</p><p>“I see. Just like my kiss means nothing,”</p><p>He had no response for her sarcastic jab, and merely bowed his head in what Rey could only characterize as shame. Still, she held her breath, waiting, hoping… But, just as she had determined to give up on a response, he spoke.</p><p>“It can’t.”</p><p>As cryptic as his barely croaked response was, Rey knew by some instinct precisely what he meant: that, whatever there might be between them, it couldn’t mean anything. They were mortal enemies and a kiss or some inexplicable resonance between their Force energies was simply…impossible. As much as she knew precisely that to be true, Rey was surprised to learn her consciousness was just not going to let that be the final answer.</p><p>“Only you and me,” she stated firmly despite the trembling in her voice. “That’s what you said. For today, only you and me. I am not the last Jedi and you are not my enemy. I am only Rey, a desert rat who wants only to be loved. And you… You are not Kylo Ren. To me, you are simply Ben Solo.”</p><p>She saw him cringe at the name, but she pressed ahead.</p><p>“When it’s only us, it’s clear, it always has been. I know you know this. When we are only Rey and Ben, all there is between us is love. But the tragedy is that’s not all we are. There’s more, so much more, and that’s what we can’t reconcile. That’s what makes us impossible. But not today. Today, there’s nothing more, only you and me and what we feel for each other. It may be the only time we have, but we do have it now.”</p><p>Close to tears, Rey yet again held her breath, awaiting his response. But he stood rigid, his face bowed low, his jaw clamped tight. And doubt crept in, insidious doubt that multiplied and grew ever greater the longer he remained silent, until she couldn’t bear it any longer and she gave in. Her shoulders drooped as she turned her face away from him.</p><p>“Alright,” she relented softly, already attempting to restrain her passions and get herself under control again. “Clearly I’ve presumed too much. I apologize.”</p><p>Turning aside to hide the worst of her surging disappointment from him, Rey set herself to wondering how in all the galaxy she could endure this storm with him so nearby and yet so distant all at once. She attempted to focus on determining what it would take to protect herself sufficiently to reach her shuttle in the spaceport through the storm, but the breaking of her heart made it difficult if not utterly impossible to think. It had all been so easy today. She had truly enjoyed her time with him and had dared to hope… But it was futile and she saw that now. Even a temporary reprieve was too much to ask.</p><p>Putting her back to him and casting about for some means of escape from her encroaching dismay, she closed her eyes as she savored the taste and sense of his presence, his Force energy, realizing this was likely the last time she would have occasion to do so. For a moment, she worried that she could be called upon to kill him sometime in the days or years to come. Despite her efforts to ignore the truth, they were enemies, after all. But she banished the thought, holding fast to her vow that today they were only Rey and Ben, even if he had already renounced it. Trembling with the effort to suppress her keening emotions that longed for release, she had just resolved to settle herself on the low chest as far from him as possible and lose her consciousness in meditation when he suddenly stepped close behind her.</p><p>Rey gasped and turned toward him. He was stone-faced, immutable, staring intently past her, his jaw tight. Nevertheless, hope flared, shortening the draw of her lungs so she heaved shallow breaths that burned through the constriction in her throat. She waited…and waited…</p><p>“What you suggest is impossible,” he murmured at last.</p><p>“I know it is,” she agreed, her voice dry and weak. “But so is continuing to deny it exists.”<br/>He turned to her then, his face angled sharply downward as he peered into her eyes, his gaze deep, intent, piercing. He didn’t respond, didn’t need to, and she returned his stare, willing him to see what she had locked away in her heart so long ago.</p><p>“I’m lost without you.”</p><p>His words came without warning, robbing the breath from her body as their meaning penetrated her mind. Her lips parted, a question forming, but he shook his head slightly, forestalling her. Understanding he needed time to formulate his thoughts, she waited, consumed by the sound of her pounding heart.</p><p>“When I was nine, I was miserable. My parents didn’t have time for me, I didn’t understand my place in the world, and Snoke… Snoke had whispered in my head my whole life, feeding my fears of weakness, inadequacy. I had reached a breaking point and I was ready to give into the darkness that has always lurked inside me.</p><p>“But then I felt a spark of light, small but so bright. It wasn’t enough to dispel the darkness, but it anchored me. In my darkest moments, I would cling to it, use its presence within my consciousness to remind me I was worthy of the light. For six years it sustained me, then it vanished. Snoke’s poison quickly infected me then and the darkness took me. I was lost and I knew it.”</p><p>Rey stared, tears threatening to overspill her eyes. Her heart wept for the pain she saw in the depth of his gaze, for his loneliness and doubt. She longed to comfort him, but she sensed he wasn’t yet done. He had more to reveal, more that she instinctively knew no one had ever heard, and she needed to hear it. Though it would tear her apart, she had to know.</p><p>“After more than a decade, that spark reawakened. It was faint at first, feeble, but it grew stronger and has continued to do so. But the things I’d done by then, the darkness in which I’d wallowed for so long… I knew I was no longer worthy of that light. Instead of sustaining me, it shamed me. So I shunned it, buried it, denied it… Until I felt it start to die.”</p><p>He turned away from her then, bending his neck until his chin rested upon his chest, his head and shoulders slung low. Rey waited, silent tears suspended as she yearned to hear the rest of his tale, to know its end.</p><p>“I have no way of knowing if this is true,” he admitted softly, “but it feels right. And I want it to be true. I so want it, Rey…”</p><p>He choked on his words and his body shuddered. He hesitated, drawing long, deep breaths. Though carefully apart from her, Rey felt the strain in his body as he trembled, and she sensed his overwhelming anxiety. Still, she remained silent, allowing him the time he needed to continue, until at last he spoke again, his voice barely audible, as if fearful that to voice the coming thoughts would be to negate them.</p><p>“I think you are that light inside me, Rey,” he whispered. “I think the Force shared your light with me because it knew I wasn’t strong enough to fight the darkness on my own. I think it appeared when you were born, faded when your gift was locked away from you as a child, and returned when the Force awakened within you once again. Your light has been steady within me ever since…but it wavered when Snoke tortured you. That’s when I knew I had to kill him to save you, and I have never regretted that choice. Your light is still with me, reminding me constantly what I have forfeited, what I cannot hope to regain. You ask me if I love you. Yes, Rey, I love you. You have been part of me for so long…but if to love you is to taint your light… I can’t… I can’t…”</p><p>A sob caught in Rey’s throat and she watched, her heart aching fiercely, as his composure crumpled entirely. Heavy with the weight of his emotions, his face contorted in pain as he collapsed to the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands. And Rey could not stand to witness his agony. Kneeling instantly at his side, she reached past the obstructing barrier of his hands to gently coax him from hiding. After momentary resistance, he allowed her to guide him in turning his body toward her. He didn’t open his eyes and no tears fell, but Rey knew his heart wept fiercely. With increasing desperation, she set his forehead against hers.</p><p>“I need you to hear me. Look at me.”</p><p>He shook his head frantically and she gripped him all the tighter.</p><p>“Ben! Look at me!”</p><p>She felt the jolt of shock and adrenaline that coursed through him at her use of that name, but at last he opened his misery-laden eyes. His despondent gaze locked onto her, and she recognized the overwhelming instinct that drove him to close himself off from her.</p><p>“Are you hearing me? I need you to hear this.”</p><p>With visible reluctance, he nodded. But it was a nod. She gazed deep in his eyes a moment longer, searching for the spark of awareness that told her he was truly present despite his agony. When she found it, she latched onto it and held him bound by the intensity of her gaze. Then she spoke in slow, deliberate, certain terms.</p><p>“I do not feel tainted by you.”</p><p>For a moment there was nothing, no change. But then she saw denial in his gaze.</p><p>“No,” she corrected him firmly. “This is not for you to deny. It’s my truth. I don’t feel tainted by you. Do you hear me?”</p><p>Still, he shook his head. “No, you don’t know…”</p><p>“I know what you’ve done. I can’t pretend to understand all of it, but I know who you are in your soul, in your heart. I know this as surely as I know me. And it’s beautiful. Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, it doesn’t matter. Who you are is beautiful, even your darkness. It doesn’t frighten me. What frightens me is that you believe you are bound and condemned by that darkness, that you’re unworthy of light and love. Of me.”</p><p>His face closed off then, his jaw clamped shut and he squeezed his lids over his eyes. Rey saw moisture collect at the seams of his eyes, and she gathered it to her fingertips. She felt she was losing him, felt him retreating into his doubt and fears, and she reasserted herself, silently vowing that she wouldn’t allow him to hide from her again. Falling to her knees in front of him, she reasserted her hold, framing his face in her palms, and his own hands flew upward to grip her wrists tight.</p><p>“Ben,” she begged brokenly, tears marring her voice and gaze as she searched his desperately. “I don’t feel tainted by you. I feel completed by you.”</p><p>And she pressed her mouth to his. His response was immediate, and the kiss was everything she’d imagined and so much more. She felt as though she was spinning, flying, and falling all at once, even though she was entirely secure in his arms. She gave herself over to him completely, her own soft grunts of effort and desire mingling with his as they both attempted to devour one another. When he slipped off the edge of the bed and onto his knees, she rose to mirror his posture, welcoming the pressure of his embrace that pressed her body into his. Desire twisted and collided in her core while energy thrummed and crackled between them. She felt a surge of anxiety from him, and she moaned into his mouth as she deepened the already impossibly deep kiss.</p><p>He broke away from her, then, and Rey panicked, worried he intended to retreat. But one hand moved lower against her rear and pressed her more firmly into his rigid erection while his mouth trailed wet heat along her throat and shoulder.</p><p>“Rey,” he moaned softly between frantic kisses. “I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long.”</p><p>“Then take me. Please.”</p><p>Rey felt the brief moment of his hesitation, but then the Force hummed in intensity as she felt his resolve solidify. His mouth and tongue returned to her as his hands pulled her legs around him. She opened herself to him and groaned with exquisite delirium as he ground his pelvis into her, imitating the action toward which they both knew they were headed. And she was suddenly impatient enough to achieve that goal that she abruptly pushed herself out of his embrace and commenced the hasty removal of her clothing.</p><p>Fixing her with his smoldering gaze, Kylo followed her lead, breaking contact with her only long enough to yank his tunic over his head before working at his trousers. Distracted in her task by the need to touch him, Rey reached forward and pressed her hand to his chest, feeling the warmth and strength of his flesh. But, with a momentary grimace and an impatient grunt, he knocked her hand off him and silently admonished her to finish disrobing.</p><p>Once they were both fully nude, he pulled her back into his arms and she moaned loudly at the sensation of his bare skin against hers. She felt him lift her effortlessly in his arms then turn to settle her down on the bed, his body suspended over hers. She spread her legs wide, inviting his penetration and arched in exquisite pleasure when she felt the solid heat of him at her entrance.</p><p>“Yes,” she insisted, her hands clutching at his bare buttocks and urging him to plunge into her.</p><p>Which he did at last.</p><p>And which ignited a firestorm within her.</p><p>Gasping, shouting, weeping, Rey embraced the frenetic rush of sensations he drove inside her. Although she knew instinctively this was a first for both of them, there was no uncertainty or awkwardness, no anxiety for either of them that they were doing something incorrectly. There was only passion and pleasure that quickly mounted and built between them. The visceral grunts that escaped his throat at he thrust into her over and over grew in intensity and volume as they both hurtled toward their release, toward the fulfillment of the bond that had been forged between them so very long ago. And when Kylo tensed above her at the same moment in which she cried out her own ecstasy, Rey knew she was complete in a way she never had been before. Riding the waves of her pleasure, she clung to him, nipping at his neck and murmuring words she was helpless to deny any longer.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Despite the lingering pulses of pleasure that her body continued to wrench from his, he froze at the confession, breath and all motion instantly suspended as he met her gaze in awe. And she only smiled back, one hand lifting to tenderly trace the contours of his face she she nodded happily yet sadly into his gaze.</p><p>“Yes,” she assured him. “Ben, Kylo…no matter your name… I love you.”</p><p>He said nothing, but he didn’t need to. His gaze bored into hers and she knew every truth of him in that instance.Then, as though helpless to resist any longer, his face dipped toward hers and he kissed her yet again. Whereas the previous kisses had quickly turned carnal, an expression of both their pent up desires, this was different. Instead, a floodgate opened, and his emotions poured forth into her. All the pain and misery he’d collected for so long came crashing through his barriers, and she became his buoy in the overwhelming flood. He kissed her long and deep, gathering her close and tight in his embrace. She opened herself to him, both physically and psychically, and she felt his distinctive presence within her, which she welcomed and embraced, darkness and all.</p><p>And she knew—knew with the ineffable sense of rightness she had come to recognize as the voice of the Force—that his supposition was correct. The Force had indeed connected them, intended for them to balance and complete one another. Clearly, that intent had gone awry, though she still didn’t fully understand how. But she knew here in his arms was where she was meant to be at this moment, consequences be damned.</p>
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